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Until further notice, i'm not blogging anymore.
The long holiday and writer's block has stopped me from posting for almost 7 weeks, and i hate putting a shoddy piece of work toward to my peers.

So until i blog again, here is a litttle formula you can use to plot how my day went:

I am so (insert emotion, usually: very mad/depressed/suicidal/homicidal) !
My (classmates/Department/so called friends/the bergie up the street/my ex)
did (ignored me/insulted me/used me/forgot about me/do not care)
I just want to (scream/go eat ice cream/poison the drinkingwater/take a lot of meds/seek professional help)

bitch bitch bitch bitch......

(insert posistive sentence so my friends think its out of my system and wont call my mom)

(insert wish/promise to visit stellenbosch soon)

(nice smiley face, accompanied by a goodbye)


Until I write again, cheers!

Future

So this whole week we had full-day classes (8-5), with the exception of Wednesday and Friday. But at least it was practical classes. Exhausting, but better than theory. And guess what we did? Hands and splints!
I dunno how many of you know about the car accident I was in a few years back, but I broke 4 metacarpels, and had to have surgery. This just means that I saw an Occupational Therapist (O.T.), and some other people, for quite a while, and got 2 splints during the time of my recovery.

So, what does all this mean? Of all the directions you can specialize as an O.T. (Children, Geriatrics, Burnwounds, Neuro, Rehab, ect) Hands and Splints is something i always wanted to do.
And after this week, I feel a bit better about my course. At least now I can see where I'm heading. I just have to survive the next 18 months...

Here is a few pics of one of the splints I made, enjoy.
And enjoy your weekend!
:)

Almost happy

K's Choice has always been one of my favourite bands. Recently i started listening to them a lot again.

"You’re almost happy
Almost content"

A wonderful to describe my mood. I'm:
ticked where appropriate:
(a)Not depressed to the point of jumping out a window
(b)Not wanting to go on a mass murder killing spree in my class and Department
(c)Not wanting to cut myself to threads because I think I’m not coping

Just, almost happy.

I believe no one can be blissfully happy. Maybe when you are in love, or just after Christmas and/or your birthday, but I honestly believe that complete happiness always eludes us.
Always one more thing we want to accomplish to be happier. One more goal. And always something (or more like someone) to send us sliding back down the ladder. There is always something to worry your fragile little minds. Something keeping us from perfect happiness. But that’s ok. It keeps things in perspective. Only one side of a pendilum is so utterly boring anyways.

So, if you asked me today: "How are you?" and I replied "Almost happy", be glad.
It is a good place...
:)

Guilt

When the fuzziness of bliss wears off,
and the waves euphoria dwindle.
When the edges of happiness fade away,
The dark beast always return.

Guilt

never gone
always waiting
never tiring

And even when the blood forms crimson on my skin,
when all i seek is forgiveness.
Not even that can cleanse it from me.

The dark grin always waits, patiently.

For its never sleeps
its never gone
it just waits for the next time i fall....

My sister's wedding

So, I have been talking while about my sister getting married, and THE pink dress.
Well, she got married the 20th of May in the Drakensberg, it was 11'C, and we(the bridesmaids) wore THE pink dresses. We lovingly dubbed ourselves "The Barbie Brigade" and we went as Barbie, Tinkerbell(me) and Skipper. It was actually al ot of fun. :)

My sis and her husband (still feels funny) stayed until the very last dance. It was 4'C when I got into bed. It was amazing.
Nothing brings a family together like a wedding. Nothing is as much fun as a wedding (especially if you are dressed in complete pink, its a license to go crazy!) So, in 4 years time its my turn? ....I think not.

Here is some pictures, I'm leaving you to guess who is who, blogger NEVER post the pics in the right order.
Adeu my friends, enjoy the weekend!!!

The bad stuffs

I am angry.

At my stupid, illogical and uncaring course.
At my friends that never visit me.
At my family that is too far way for me to see.
At the fact that i feel powerless.
That the walls are so close to me, that i cannot take a swing at them anymore.
Angry at my dreams that are dissapearing,
along with my hopes, all gone in a puff of smoke.
Angry at exes, for being so careless with fragile hearts.
And people for leaving, and stopping to care.
But almost most of all, that in this crowd i am in, there is no one to hug,
no genuine smile for me.
I am angry because i am lost.
I am angry because i am sad...

Fragile dreams

Well peoples, I will try and update my blog.
Not much this week, just studies and class... sigh. I REALLY hate class at the moment. I have 2nd year anatomy, but we didn't have 1st year anatomy last year... go figure.

But, let me rather tell you about my weekend. It left me with a content fuzzy feeling.
I had coffee with EJ on Saturday. It was nice. We sat in the freezing cold, him smoking his cigarettes, me nursing my hot chocolate. We had a open discussion about our visible and invisible scars.
His roomie passes us a bit later and sat down with us. We spoke about our courses, and where we wanted to go. But i heard this week she she broke up with her boyfriend, and now everyone is sad.. It all feels like a dream now...

That evening we went to Alucard's and Ti_Ana's birthday party.
I sat outside on the swings, listening to a river bubbling nearby. I hear so little of nature, it was a shock to realize ho long ago I was actually in a garden. Shocking!
13ishop and Shin joined me, and we had an interesting discussion: If you had all the money in the world, what would your dream house look like? It was interesting to hear how each person can dream differently.

My weekend was dreamy and fuzzy, sprinkled with ice crystals and spoken with a gentle white fog when breathed.

I miss all of you terribly...